Today is my 33rd birthday! So obviously I’ve been thinking a lot more about numbers lately. However, I think it’s way too easy to get caught up in numbers. We feel we need to have specific things accomplished by a specific age. We need a certain number of social media followers in order to be legit. Our blogs need a particular number of views before it’s “made it.” We should be a certain size. We should have a certain number of years of experience in our jobs or careers to be taken seriously. Our relationships should have lasted a certain amount of time before they’re important to us.
It’s hard to keep all these numbers straight. And what happens when we don’t meet the deadline or make the cut off? Nothing, because life goes on.
I’ve gotten really caught up in playing the numbers game. I’m definitely guilty of checking and rechecking my YouTube subscribers, my Instagram followers and the page views on my blog. I’ve beat myself up because I wasn’t married by age 30 or because I hadn’t accomplished a totally random career “milestone.” I won’t even go into the foolishness of stressing about what size I am and how much I weigh (which by the way can fluctuate wildly in just a single day). Sometimes I get really obsessive about these numbers but, truth is, they’re just numbers.
I’ve also been super focused on numbers when it comes to friendships and relationships. There are people that I tried to keep in my life mainly because “we’ve been friends for so long.” I’m finally realizing that time alone doesn’t equate to a healthy relationship or a valuable friendship. Of course there are people that I’ve known for years whom I will always love and count as my true friends, no matter how often we talk or see each other. But then there are some friendships that have run their course. It’s kind of sad to no longer have certain people in my life, but I’ve seen that the space they’ve left has created room for much more positive relationships and experiences.
I often joke that I’m glad I don’t have many friends now because it’s allowed me to build this blog and my new store – CVTD Beauty (y’all know I had to plug that lol). Instead of trying to justify holding onto people and beliefs just because they’ve been in my life for so long, I started letting go.
But the crazy thing about letting go is that I find that I have so much more in my life. I have more time to devote to what I actually enjoy doing. I have more space in my mind and heart for the people I love. Now if only I could find more room in my closet.
I hope that 33 will be a year where I can focus less on quantity and more on quality, in all aspects of my life. I have less friends these days but my few friends are amazing and have been so supportive of me. I don’t have the biggest YouTube following, but my subscribers know me and hold me down and their comments always bring a smile to my face. I also have a small family but they’re everything to me.
This blog may not be the biggest, but I gotta say I have the most incredible readers. I’ve loved connecting with you all and your excitement and support around my store launching has been so uplifting.
I hope that I can be less focused on numbers and instead focus on quality. Instead of worrying about my weight and size, I want to make sure I’m healthy and strong. I want to enhance my relationships and worry less about networking and socializing just because. I’m working towards building a sustainable platform and business, so short term numbers are less important than the long-term impact I hope to have. And I’m really really going to stop measuring my life by arbitrary rules on where I should be at any age. It’s silly and such a waste of time.
Thanks for making it to the end of my little manifesto, and I hope you’ll keep me honest with my plan to f&*k the numbers and just live!